"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself".
These words from an episode in "Sex and the City" really caught my attention. This statement is so true. Understanding oneself is the first step towards creating healthy and meaningful relationships. The second step is acceptance of the self as it is. It is easy to build and maintain relationships with people who are satisfied in their own skin. Relationships look easy and simple. Conversations with such people are free flowing and trust establishment happens immediately. I can say they are uncomplicated people.
On the other hand, people who have not come to terms with their real self hide behind facades. Close relationships wilt under such pretentious interaction.
How do we then go about accepting oneself? We all have several images of ourselves. Out of which two are most important. 1. Real me. 2. Perceived me (what I want to be or what others should perceive me to be). The urge to get to the second type of identity is high. In the process we forget the "Real me".
In my opinion, self-introspection is the first important step in the process of discovering ourself. This is about eliminating the bias of "Perceived me" and then identifying the "Real me" (as I am today). The second step is acceptance of the "Real me". Hmmm... The first step is tough and the second gets even tougher and abstract :). Need I mention that you will be Dalai Lama if you did this? :)
I had left the last sentence of the opening quote which is the icing on the cake. "And if you find someone to love the you, you love, well, that's just fabulous". I will write about this sometime.
3 comments:
I was curious to find out if "Real me" and "Perceived me" were standard Psych terms/concepts :). It appears not. However, I found 2 links that used these words to mean the same concept. Here it goes:
http://ardramaamsandhyakal.blogspot.com/2004/12/eternal-quest.html
http://www.eliterarycafe.com/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=537
Interesting topic. In connection with this topic i was wondering if there is some phsycological explaination to soliloquy
Priya,
You should check out the book that I have given you couple of years ago. Can't remember the exact title but has "... communications" in the title. It basically divides the self into quadrants and talks about "Real me", "me as percevied by me", "me as perceived by others" etc. It does not use the same terminology but concept is comprehensive. In my experience I have seen that to be true in real life. The personalities are shaped based on which quadrant one has more focus on. It would be great if you spend a few minutes reading a few pages in that book and write an update so that rest of us as well are educated. Happy reading ....
- Uday
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